The sad truth is that I completely agree with what it says and I don't know what to do about it.
I feel so alone and scared I just wish I could be different. I love my kids so so much but am not stupid and know they are suffering.
I wish people would support them, even if not me, at least then they would have some healthy adult interactions. I try to tell them that mummy gets ill sometimes and I always try to apologise if i've been unfair or overreacted but I can't seem to stop all the typical bpd traits creeping into my parenting as well as every other area of life.
SS say i'm doing well and so won't support me, I have a job now so that instantly makes me look like i'm doing better but I'm not.
One of my biggest supports has backed off and I can only assume setting boundaries because I probably became overwhelming and of course people are busy with their own family and lifes.
Even though I know the importance of boundaries it does hurt, especially at the moment where I really am quite desperate and really just a hug or a text can give me a reason to keep going for another day. People are busy which is fine and I suppose they may think im being manipulative when i text them in crisis all the time. I know people can't drop everything especially when it is a common occurance but often it is a cry for help because I am scared and can't handle the pain alone any longer.
I don't blame friends for ignoring me I mean i've been suicidal before and am still here so why is this time different. Oh if only they could feel what I feel just for a moment then they would understand. I shouldn't put people on a pedestall I know but I suppose I do as they represent hope that things can change, and that I don't have to do this alone.
Found this on someones blog. So So true, insane and stupid but true.
No comments:
Post a Comment